Forgotten are the words she speaks
Forgotten are the thoughts she thinks
Forgotten are the clothes she wears
Forgotten are the tings she hears
shes been forgotten by all
Although they might not think that at all
if she wasnt forgotten they wouldnt treat her so rotten
if she wasnt forgotten theyd stop the teasing, for them there's just no pleasing. shes been forgotten. just forgotten.

its a poem. (obviously). tell me what you tink, and goat, im expecting CONSTRUCTIVE critisim, so critisize away.

You don't have to rhyme, sometimes it makes it souond stupid.

Keep working at it, put more visual things in to it.

If you're saying your posts contradict me, you're wrong.

Every post that I disagree with, I have contradicted thoroughly.

i just want people to let me know what they think of this poem. thts all. im not gonna say someone sucks cause they dont like it. i just want people to tell me what they think. that is all. and thanks for the critisism. maybe ill make a better one after i get aome ideas.

WTF?!

I posted that post somewhere else... weird.

I wonder why it posted here..

what did you mean by "put more visual things into it"?

More sensory things, more metaphors. etc..

how would that work into what this poemis supposed to be about? and is it ok, good, bad?

I'm no poet, but this poem can't be good unless it's more descriptive. You also need to use more complex language.

why? why cant it just be simple? i think its easier that way, for other people, (non poets) to understand. no offense, but ive got more expirience in poetry than you. obviously not in spelling, but more in poetry. but yeah. any more ideas? i could use more help.

*****note:
goat, this is my good side. probably the only time you will see it is in this thread.

Quite good Kelley,
I like the way it sounds, free verse is always better for expressing those sort of emotions. But I think the word “rotten”, while it does fit and isn’t technically wrong, conjures up images of cartoonish “rottenness”. It’s hard to describe what I’m trying to say. I just think it detracts from the serious tone of the poem. Maybe it’s just me but the word “rotten” kinda brings looney tunes to mind.
The thing is, “rotten” does work. It’s up to you, and how you feel about it. But remember free verse has no meter; it doesn’t have to rhyme at all.
I kinda like the simplicity of it though, and the repetition works too. Maybe a bit more descriptiveness, could add to it, just experiment a bit.
I like the way it fades at the end; it comes to a great natural cadence. But I might do a bit of tweaking.

ok. sounds good to me. maybe ill try it out later.

I like it Kelley...it's simple,yet worth reading.

Thanx Jody. i wanted it to be simple yet worth reading. belive it or not, i thought of it when i was sitting in my room listening to my favorite band, and loathing my school. but they wouldnt know good poetry if it bit them in the butt. they picked one about clouds i think. it was quite dumb. it shouldnt have won. they shouldve picked something better. even if they didnt pick mine, it shouldve been better than the one they did pick. it was really dumb. it was like
clouds are pretty clouds are great,
i really love the way they blah blah blah.

i didnt memorise it. it was to dumb.

I don't know the whole deal about your poem and school and all, but seriously, they never choose the artistic stuff. Instead they go for the boring but mildly sweet stuff that will look good in the year book. Personally I think your poem has potential, don’t get disheartened about some school competition, the author of the cloud poem may have the right style but probably no real creativity (not that I can “judge”, just speaking from experience).

i agree. the people at my school are dumb. and like i said before, they wouldnt know good poetry if it bit them in the butt. Jackie, do you write poetry at all?

I do write a bit of poetry, I don’t claim to be a talented poet, but it can be cathartic. Sometimes I even try to put it to music, though it’s never much good.
What made you ask?

i was bored. and curious. lets hear one of yours. im tired of talking about mine. maybe itll give me some inspiraton or something.

Mine really aren’t all that good. And plus I don’t have the inclination or the confidence to post them on the Internet. I don’t know why, but I’ve always had this “thing” about people reading what I write, maybe some other time though, when I’m feeling a little differently about it all.
Sorry! Maybe we can talk about another poem, one of your favorites (by another author)? What sort of poetry do you like? Or do you just prefer to write?

I decided that I should get over my stupid little thing about people reading my stuff, it’s just fear I suppose. Anyway, this is a really old poem, I wrote it for an assignment 2 years ago, we were supposed to compare and contrast the uncertainties of adolescence.
It’s not one I’m particularly proud of, it’s a bit too wordy and doesn’t flow nicely, but it is the only one that is on my computer and I couldn’t be bothered typing something else up. It’s not really based on “me” it’s just something I wrote because I thought the teacher would like it.

Sometimes I cry in private
Sometimes I don’t even know what it’s about
Sometimes I cry in private
Sometimes I want to scream and shout

Sometimes it’s all too much
Sometimes the games too rough
Sometimes it’s all too much
Sometimes it’s not nearly enough

Sometimes I feel so empty
Sometimes I wonder if I’m on the right road
Sometimes I feel so empty
Sometimes I think I will explode

Sometimes it all overwhelms me
Sometimes it’s all a chore
Sometimes it all overwhelms me
Sometimes I’m so unsure

Sometimes I know exactly what to do
Sometimes it’s as clear as glass
Sometimes I know exactly what to do
Sometimes I know it can’t last

Sometimes happiness seems eternal
Sometimes it all makes sense
Sometimes happiness seems eternal
Sometimes I have no defense

Sometimes I think I’m too dramatic
It’s like I’m ruled by emotion
Following the high and low tides
A prisoner, of the ebb and flow of the ocean

I’ve never really liked it. The reoccurring “sometimes” was a bit too limiting, then the "free verse" (that isn't really "free verse") at the end comes out of no where, but for something that was written the night before it was due I suppose it’s passable.

i like it. its alot better than anything i could write. that forgotten poem of mine is the best one of written, so as you can see im not the greeatest poet ever. do you like Shakespeare? or anything like that? i love his sonnets. i love reading anything by him. its really wonderful. Shakespeare i mean. well, im gonna cut this short cause im out, at a place, that isnt my house. c-ya. peace